Send In The Old Guys!

Please remember throughout this post, it is meant to be humorous – don’t anyone be offended – have fun with it!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists.  You can’t be older than 42 to join the military – but they’ve got the whole thing backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, They ought to take us old guys.  You shouldn’t be able to join the military until you’re at least 35.  For starters, researchers say 18-year olds think about sex every ten seconds.  Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.  “My back hurts!  I can’t sleep!  I’m tired and hungry!”  We’re bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some terrorist a**hole that desperately wants to go to ‘Paradise’ anyway will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 a.m.  Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell.  Beside, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m up already, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB.

If captured, we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them.  In fact, name, rank and serial number would a real brain-teaser!

Boot camp would be easier for old guys… We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food.  We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns.  We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house and away from all the screaming and yelling!

They could lighten up the obstacle course however…. I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with a rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do push-ups after completing basic training.

Actually – The running part is kind of a waste of energy too…. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet!

An 18-year old has the whole world ahead of him.  He’s still learning to shave or start a conversation with a pretty girl.  He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those terrorists…. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million hacked-off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them!

Old sailor on the hunt.

HEY!!!  How about recruiting women over 50 …. in menopause?!  You think men have attitudes?  If nothing else, put them on Border Patrol.  They’ll have it secured the first night!!

Send this to all your senior friends – make sure it’s in big enough type so they can read it!

Contributed by Trooper Gilbert Wells and published in “The Voice of the Angels” newspaper of the 11th Airborne Division Assoc.

CLICK ON IMAGES TO ENLARGE.

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Military Humor – 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Farewell Salutes – 

James Buchanan – VA; USMC; WWII

Miguel M. Covarriebias – Hanford, CT; US Army, Iraq, Spc., 1/227/1/1st Cavalry Division, KIA

Leo Croce – San Francisco, CA; US Army Air Corps, WWII, ETO, B-17 pilot, 398 BG/8th Air Force, Bronze Star

Brodie Gillon – UK; Royal Army Medical Corps/Irish Guards Battle Group, Iraq, Cpl., KIA

John Mastrianni – New Britain, CT; US Air Force, Korea, SAC & NSA Intelligence

Glen Ogden – Grand Rapids, MI; US Army, 11th Airborne Division

Marshal D. Roberts – Owasso, OK; US National Guard, Iraq, SSgt., 219th Engineering/138th Fighter Wing, KIA

Richard J. Smith Jr. – Mobile, AL; US Navy, WWII, PTO & ATO, USS Pennsylvania

Herbert Stettler – Oskloosa, IA; US Army, Korea

Eloiza Zavala – Sacramento, CA; USMC, United Arab Emirates, Combat Logistics Battalion 13, driver, KIA

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About GP Cox

Everett Smith served with the Headquarters Company, 187th Regiment, 11th A/B Division during WWII. This site is in tribute to my father, "Smitty." GPCox is a member of the 11th Airborne Association. Member # 4511 and extremely proud of that fact!

Posted on March 16, 2020, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 167 Comments.

  1. I couldn’t agree more GP! My dad, a front line infantry soldier, used to say that you had to be fit to be shot.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. After carring I have no clue how many Kilos on the back I need a womens massage…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Excellent humour mate, read it before but still enjoy it, the bloody thing is it all makes sense. The wisdom of old soldiers can never be underestimated, cheers.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. GP you always have awesome content!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. A great contrast but younger men can be strained under stress and not break because they are young and strong. I wonder if any are around today?

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Haha! Loved this. Just what I needed today. Thanks GP😊

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I will definitely have to share this (LOL).

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Now I’m pondering a question I’ve never heard asked or answered: what’s the female equivalent to an old geezer? Whatever it is, I sometimes think I’m becoming one. Where do I sign up?

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Excellent, GP Cox! 😀👍🏻🤣😂

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Hahahaha — sorry to hear about that sex drive thing…. I must be a weirdo cause I still think about it every 1.52 secs. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  11. With my bones the way they are, they could shoot me and still couldn’t fall over.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Love it!!! I hate though that you had to apologize for being humorous and that there are some who would need such a disclaimer. Loved the graphics!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks. Political correctness is carried a bit too far by some people (IMO), so I figured the disclaimer was necessary – so far I haven’t been yelled at (phew!). I’m very happy you enjoyed it.

      Liked by 2 people

  13. Thank you very much for sharing this unique article.

    Like

  1. Pingback: Send In The Old Guys! — Pacific Paratrooper – Truth Troubles

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