Smitty – Letter XIII
Back in the states, people were still dancing to the tunes of The Dorsey Brothers, Count Basie and Artie Shaw. They listened to the songs of Doris Day, the Andrew Sisters, Lena Horne and Rosemary Clooney. But, some others weren’t so lucky, in the army there was always latrine duty, as depicted in the following letter from Smitty.
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Letter XIII Latrines Wednesday 9/5/44
Dear Mom,
Many are the times you have heard me refer to the latrines. Never before had I any conception or realized the amount of genius and mathematical figuring that was necessary for the building of one of these casual looking comfort stations.
Yesterday I had the dubious honor of being selected, with four other disgruntled G.I.s, to labor on a detail whose sole aim and mission was the digging and building of a latrine. It seems that in order to get a latrine built correctly there also has to be present a lieutenant and a hard to please sergeant. Their presence is essential due to the fact that if they weren’t around, it would never get built, no less started and to supervise the completion and finesse details of the finer points necessary for sanitation and the comfort of the men. You can most generally find these two worthy in some far off spot, away from all the work.
To begin with, a place is chosen suitable for a latrine, generally about a half mile from the nearest inhabitant and well hidden in the brush and woods. This is done for the very simple reason that it affords the stricken G.I. a chance to brush up on his long forgotten tracking and compass reading lessons, also the hike involved tends to make up for the many he has missed.
You wait then while the Lt., in a very business-like manner, marks out the length and width desired. When finished, he gives you a short speech on the importance of the detail and the time limit allotted, ending with: “Good digging fellows. I know you can do it, as you are the picked men!”
You pick up your shovels and picks and gloomily get to work. First, the picks are put into play loosening up the stubborn ground. Then, the shovels get to work removing the loose dirt, making sure to pile it evenly around the hole. This procedure is followed until finally you have now a hole six feet long by five feet in width with a depth ranging anywheres from six to eight feet. Try as you may to dig less than six feet, the sergeant always has a ruler handy which he guards with his life. One would think that a latrine hole that size would last forever, but as I found out, in the army — they don’t.
Next step is to lower into this hole oil drums whose both ends have been removed. This end cutting process is something foreign to us as they had another detail doing that the day before. I understand though that it is a highly skilled job in that keeping the ax blades from chipping is quite a problem. These drums, once lowered and set side by side, draws to a close the crude laborious end of the job.
Boards, saws, hammers and nails now appear along with some overbearing would-be carpenters. They proceed to build a coffin-like box which looks more like anything else but a box. This affair, when finished, is fitted over the hole, covering completely the hole and part of the piles of loose dirt spread around the outer fringe. This type of latrine box is called the settee type. It is very comfortable to sit on if rough boarding isn’t employed. When the box is completed to the satisfaction and sitting height comfort of all present, holes are then cut in the top. These holes are oval in shape, but of different width and shapes. The rear end of a G.I.’s anatomy, I’ve found, has many varied shapes and sizes.
The next thing to put in an appearance is the latrine blind and screen. This is very simple, although at times men have leaned back into it and got tangled up in the canvas, bringing it where the blind should be. While the blind is being put up on a long pipe, funnel-shaped at one end comes up and demands a lot of detailed attention. The height of this pipe, when set, is a trial and tribulation to all and never satisfies all who use it. This funneled affair is intended for what all funnels are. The directing of a stream of water.
The Lt. and sergeant now come out of hiding, inspect it and proclaim it a job well done and worthy of their time and supervision, strutting off gaily chatting, leaving us to find our way alone, unguided and without a compass, back to our tents. We, in the building of this latrine were fortunate in that we only had to erect it once and it was the correct position. Generally, you dig three or four only to find out that it is out of line somehow with the next latrine a mile away.
Generals, colonels and majors all visit while you are at work. Their presence is also needed for the fact that when they are around, you stand at attention and in that way get a moment’s rest. The captain generally comes out to see how you are doing and always tells you to hurry it up as the boys back in camp are prancing around like young colts and doing weird dance steps all the while hoping that they can hold out until its completion.
When once finished and back in camp, you are kept busy giving the boys directions as to where it is and then have to listen to them gripe about the distance away from their tent the blame thing is. It is, I have found out, a thankless detail and one I intend missing the next time there is one to be built.There are of course different types of latrines as the illustrations show, but most of those are for troops on the move. Now, why they should say, ‘troops on the move’ I do not know, for certainly no matter whether in the latrines or on the way to it, you are most certainly moving.
Before any G.I. finds the latrine, the flies are already there. No latrine is a latrine until after a family or two moves in. They too are necessary in that without them as an annoying element, some men would never leave, others would fall asleep, while others would use it as an indefinite hiding place from some hike or detail. Latrines are also necessary for rumors. Until a good latrine is built, rumors around the camp lay dormant. Many new and strange acquaintances are made and the souls of many a man have been saved while sitting in this sanctuary place of appeasement.
No place in the army gets the care and attention of a latrine. Orderlies are assigned daily to see to its cleanliness. Medical inspections are twice a week, while on Saturdays it has to stand a general inspection. It is the haven of good-fellowship, conversations and a relief to all men in the end.
Hoping I have portrayed for you the army’s version of a rest station, I’ll close, as the flies in here are very annoying and the fellow standing and waiting for me to leave is going into a rage and walking up and down all the while eyeing me up and down as if to kill.
Ending this in a hasty departure and on the run, I am always, Your son, Everett
Click on images to enlarge.
[Smitty’s illustrations will appear in the following post.]
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Military Humor –
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Farewell Salutes –
Weston Boyd – Leesburg, FL; US Army, WWII & Korea
Dante Bulli – Cherry, IL; US Army Air Corps, WWII, B-26 pilot, SAC Col. (ret. 32 yrs), Bronze Star
Arthur Cain – No.Hampton, NH; US Navy, WWII, PTO
Roy Countryman – Longview, WA; US Army Air Corps, WWII, PTO, 11th Airborne Division, 1st Lt.
Thomas Feran Sr. – Cleveland, OH; US Navy, WWII
Betty (Garber) Follander – Clinton, MA; cadet nurse, WWII
William McCurdy – Harrisburg, PA; US Army, WWII, PTO, Bronze Star
Seth McKee – McGehee, AR; US Army Air Corps, WWII, ETO, pilot, General (Ret.)
Patrick Stewart – Hawkes Bay, NZ; RNZ Navy # 7563, WWII, signalman
Clarence Young Jr. – Portland, OR; US Army, WWII, Africa & CBI, Engineers
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Posted on January 23, 2017, in First-hand Accounts, Letters home, SMITTY, WWII and tagged 11th airborne, 1940's, Airborne, family history, History, Latrines, Military, Military History, WW2, WWII. Bookmark the permalink. 96 Comments.
Excellent portrayal of the lives and times of the latrine, I have certainly built my fair share of them, all according to the British Army Military Manual on Health and Hygiene in the Field.
Smitty is correct in portraying the amount of dignitaries who always seem to appear during this grand construction.
Cheers.
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Haha, I know hygiene is important (we’re all taught that), but for so many of the brass to show up – yikes – that surprised me when I first read it.
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Hilarious. Very witty, and accurate too!
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haha, we now have the directions to build our very own WWII Army latrine!!
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What a great writer your father was – he can make an amusing story out of anything! Loved his surprise ending too.
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Yes he could, Carol, and thank you. I used to ask him about that when I was a kid and he’d say you have to use your imagination. When I realized I didn’t have such a keen imagination, he thought maybe TV was to blame. Everything right there in front of us, we (kids) didn’t need to use it. The more I thought about it, thee more I thought he was right and I started to read more and use my imagination to picture the scenes – I’ll never be like Dad, but it helped.
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Reblogged this on KCJones.
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Thank you, Penny! I can’t find many latrine stories on line, haha.
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Great description of building a latrine. Gave a whole new meaning to “troops on the move”. Had to smile that it was a “relief to all men in the end.” What a great sense of humor. Your grandmother had to be laughing by the time she was finished reading it. I bet she read it to all the neighbors.
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Knowing grandma, I’ll bet she did!! Thanks for reading, Bev and so glad you liked this one too!!
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I think a nearby bush would do as well. Especially at night in foreign terrain. When you gotta go, a toilet half a mile away in the jungle might not seem like a practical quest. Then there’s the problem of toilet paper, I have used leaves and underbrush – as able.
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Any port in a storm, so to speak ,eh?
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The infamous latrine duty! So important, so infamous, and so glad that’s not my task today. Another great post!
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haha – Good one!!
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I imagine it is hard and unpleasant work, but someone has to do it. Maintenance and inspections are necessary to keep illnesses from cropping up and spreading. I enjoyed the post. Thanks for the visit.
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Yes, it was all necessary. Dad just put some humor into the task. I appreciate you reading the letter, Thank You.
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We need a daily dose of humor. I had to use that as a teaching tool often with high school teens.
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Humor is great for a lot of things!
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It diffuses most conflicts and anger. If others can laugh at their foibles, they become more tolerant and patient of others.
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So true. We all have faults, so we might as well laugh about them.
Have a great day.
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I learned to laugh at myself as a teacher. Made life easier for all concerned.
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Another great letter from Smitty, GP! I remember latrines from Girl Scout camp, and being on a cleaning detail one time. 🙂
A relative who grew up in the Kentucky mountains once told me a story about latrines from his youth. There was a grumpy old hillbilly the boys would play pranks on. He live alone up in his little cabin, and had an outhouse, as everyone did. One night, the boys dug a pit just behind the old outhouse, then picked up the outhouse and moved it over the new pit. The disguised the old pit hole with branches and leaves. Later on, the man came out to use the outhouse and fell in. He was cursing in the dark as the boys were laughing up in the woods.
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What a sloppy, smelly prank to play on someone – yuck may be a better word, lol!!
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Your Dad was a cynic. I like that. A cynic with a sense of humour … I like that even more.
And now please forgive me, I’m busy trying to link ‘scuttle’ with ‘butt’ and ‘humour’ — I’m sure that just like the mathematician with constipation (he worked it out with a pencil) I’ll get there in the end …
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You’ll find the connection.
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His letters are so full of dry humor I always enjoy reading them, whatever his task at hand.
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I’m happy to hear that, Tiny! The letters have brought me so many years of smiles!!
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Truly a gifted writer to imbue an account of latrine construction with such interest and humour!
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Dad was certainly a unique character!!
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I could do with a new outside lavatory, I can even build it it with wit, and wisdom for my fellow man. Smitty was a such a great writer!
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You now have the directions, courtesy of Smitty! haha I’m getting as much fun out of the comments as I did the letter. Thank’s for reading it [and let me know if you ever get around to building your own!!]
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I shall!
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Your dad described the construction of a latrine with so much detail and so much humor that one is tempted to build one. Unfortunately, I never had this enjoyable experience when I served in the West German army. Perhaps in the 21st century the latrines have become obsolete and are being replaces by portable outhouses. A real enjoyable post, GP Cox!
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I’ve laughed every time I’ve read this letter, but never had the urge to go build one myself. Despite the humor – it sure seemed like a lot of work! 🙂 Thanks for coming by, Peter, always a pleasure.
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Well done! I’ll chuckle every time I see the word “latrine” from now on! 🙂
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I know what you mean! I first read this letter when I was about 10. I couldn’t even pass a port-a-potty without cracking up!
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Great story, Everett. Love your Dad’s humorous narrative. Before indoor plumbing, my cousin’s grandma had a latrine at the side of the house. And we did in the shed attached to the house. Can remember cut up pages of a Sears & Roebuck catalog for toilet paper! Cold in the wintertime! 🎶 Christine
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Oh – I just bet it was cold in the winter! haha Glad you could appreciate the humor found in this letter, Christine, and always enjoy your visits!
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Brilliant – lots of detail and great humour.
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And just think – we now know how to build our own!! 🙂 The man was certainly something special.
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Smitty was hilarious–the most mundane task turns into a chance for humor.
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That’s what always hit me too, RoseMary. I’m really glad that you enjoyed Dad’s letter as much as I have over the years. The man was priceless and is sorely missed.
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dear aficionado, i am commenting your posts in general. i think your post are very good and informative and send to the udience an objective point of view about the military life during wartimes.
i wish to add a brief note : i noticed that from the pictures soldiers in wwii (but i think it should be the same also for wwi) the look of american soldiers is better healthy than the same of e.g. italian soldiers. i am italian and was borned in 1950 (five years after the end of wwii) my father was imprisoned as pow in a champ in india and there he appreciates the value of the high level of health of the allies armies. my italy was a land for armies for long centuries since the roman empire, the disaster of the wars are in the collective inconscious of my fellow citizens. maybe these millenary experience is condensed in the pained face of the italian soldiers fighting the war. and perhaps a bit of fatalism. so i wish to tell you the feeling of a people that has almost lost all the modern war of the xx century.
i thank again a lot for your posts.
ciao.
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You are very welcome and I thank you for sharing your father’s story and your country. I am curious as to how an Italian soldier ended up in a POW camp in India – any idea?
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dear aficionado , my father was 25 years old when the fascist political system conquested the ethiopia because to start the so called “fascist empire” similar to the roman empire. that was the ideology in europe in xx century. was enlisted as soldier and fighted in africa from 1935 until 1942 when the italians were beaten by the english army. my father was pow in nairobi (kenia) and bombay (india) until 1945. passing the years i was surprised that my father had always good words for the allies. of course i am speaking about the great european war hence my father had (as soldier in war) seen the real thing about the war. he was always grateful to the allies. hugs from italy. ciao.
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Thank you for sharing this.
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Amusing and informative!
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You now have the directions now – should the need ever arise… 🙂
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I am not receiving notification from WordPress anymore GP.
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I can’t imagine why not. I haven’t done anything on this end.
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It happens with others. It’s a WordPress problem.
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They do have their share of glitches. I think they try too hard to please the smart phone and tablet crowd because as they adjust the program for them – PC and laptop useers get the glitches.
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Love the humor! I ass-ume (pardon the pun) that the latrines were patterned after the old outhouses on the pre-WWII home front, although the latter were probably built over much deeper holes to last indefinitely.
Incidentally, Rosemary Clooney’s first recordings were as a big band singer in 1946, after WWII was over, but the other artists you list were indeed being danced and listened to during the war.
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Sure seemed like the soldiers knew how to make do (oops). But you’re right about the design.
Sorry about the screw up with Rosemary. Should have know she was younger, being George’s aunt and all.
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Another great letter! Now I would imagine the only duty worse than building the latrines was cleaning them. Can we look forward to a letter describing THAT? 🙂
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I’m afraid not. Dad never wrote one, maybe he never got stuck with THAT duty. Glad you enjoyed this letter too. Dad had a way about him!
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That was hilarious and probably done that way to this day.
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I suppose it depends on the terrain and equipment available. This sure sounded like quite a project to me! Thanks for reading it, Jacqui and thrilled you enjoyed it.
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Quite brilliant
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A WWII soldier – better know as a Jack of all trades, eh?!
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Or in this case, Joe?
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Right you are!
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Another wonderful letter.
In Vietnam, it was common not to dig a hole but to put the latrine over a drum; the excrement would be mixed with oil and burned.
I was an advisor living with the Vietnamese. The 5-man team at district headquarters where my team had its “hooch” traded someone in the Navy a Chinese submachine gun for the construction of a flush toilet. So when my team went in from the field, we had the use of this luxury. During the week, we just used any convenient rice paddy.
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Another ingenious invention on the part of the military, eh?!! Necessity certainly is the mother of invention. Thanks for sharing your story!!
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Hilarious.
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Thanks. Dad really was special.
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What a great sense of humor your dad had ! He got away with making fun of the officers, too ( and the hard to please sergeant ) . His mom must have loved reading that letter . The worries of combat are humorously deflected .
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Yes, Dad sure a funny way of looking at things. As close as he ended up with Gen. Swing, I don’t think he was treated too harshly – and someone with this sense of humor – how can you stay angry with him?
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I love reading these letters. Never knew how much work went into a latrine.
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More of a project than I ever thought too!! Thanks for stopping in, Andrew.
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Still smiling and never thought about latrines. Love the way your Dad told about it, Everett.
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He sure did have a way with words and looking at things!!
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So funny. What an interesting choice of topics to share with mom! Nice sense of humor. 🙂
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Well, grandma knew dad’s sense of humor [hers was pretty good too] and he wasn’t about to tell her about any combat, so he came up with what he saw and did. They’ve entertained me for many years!
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I’m so glad he had, and was able to maintain his strong sense of humor. Important duty, no doubt. I wonder how you got on that list, and if some people were always on it.
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According to dad, it was a rotation, unless you irked the Sgt. haha
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LOL love that letter. Reminds me of my own experiences, no latrines when with a desert mobile unit. It was not polite to ask where a colleague was going when he marched off into the desert with a shovel and a bog-roll (toilet paper). 😀
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haha, good one, Mike! Soldiers always find a way to make do (so to speak).
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I like the humor always coming back in his letter.
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Dad did his best to keep people smiling. Thank you for dropping by, MaryLou.
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When building a latrine, it is always important to enclose it in a well-sealed structure – this is to prevent the escape of foul smelling gases.
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What keeps the person inside from passing out? 🙂
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I would think that after spending several weeks on a troop ship, any time spent in a biff would be a pleasure.
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I suppose I’m too spoiled, I think I would prefer the ship. 🙂 Going out in the jungle has got to be an experience!
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When directory Terrence Malick scouted filming locations for The Thin Red Line, a movie based on James Jones’ account of Guadalcanal, they rejected the idea of filming in the Solomon Islands, the jungle was too difficult and dangerous – even in this age…. and that is without an enemy shooting at them.
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That’s why I ,(a very non-professional writer), has a difficult time explaining to people what these men went through! Thanks for that note of interest on Malik.
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This was hysterical!…anyone who has ever served will enjoy this immensely!
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I know, right?!! Seemed Dad could see the funny side to most everything. Thanks for reading it, Mrs P.
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This was a great read….interesting and funny too. Smitty sure had a great sense of humor!
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Thank you for reading it, Lynn. Yup, you never knew what that man would come up with!! 🙂
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I have a picture of my dad’s detail digging a latrine. I’ve never heard the story, behind the story, about digging latrines.
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Dad had a “way with words” I always say. I can’t imagine too many people wrote home to mom about their latrine duty. haha
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Olive drab fatigues were also referred to, as being “latrine green.”
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Everything blending in with the countryside (or jungle). 🙂
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I can well imagine how unpopular that detail must have been. Then again, building one is preferable to cleaning or emptying one!
Great wit and writing skill from your Dad once again. As I have said before, if only he was still around, his own blog would be a must-read!
Best wishes, Pete.
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Thank you, pete. I greatly appreciate you saying so.
Have a great week! GP
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